Moscow: A Perspective on Angels

Perspective is valuable. Getting to Moscow and becoming part of an amazing group that hopes to resurrect the East-West Accord, and do what we can to preserve a semblance of civil discourse between the east and the west, was not an easy thing. There will come the matter of what to call this thing and how to agree on how it will operate, and where, but for now, it is enough that we find places to agree.

This journey would not have been possible without a lot of help...as well as angels...along the entire path. After my passport and visa application got hung up in the San Francisco Russian Visa Issuing Center, the strong endorsement of Deb Palmari, the Honorary Consulate of Denver, as well as a few key people at the Russian Embassy in DC, shook loose my Russian visa. The day before my planned departure, it was rescued and issued by a wonderful Consul, named Alexey Kovalenko-Narochnitskiy, at the Russian Consulate of San Francisco.“This meeting is important,” said Kovalenko. “We will make sure that we help you to get to Moscow and appreciate what you are trying to do.”

While the Russian Embassy did their part, a certain international overnight carrier did not; loosing the envelope with the precious passport and visa somewhere in Memphis. Not being a shy retiring thing, I did the only sensible thing and called the CEO's office and demanded answers. Turns out that when you do that (well, his email and phone number ARE on their website) things begin to happen. I would not call them angels, but many calls and twenty four hours late, I did end up going to their distribution center here in Denver to retrieve the documents, without which, I could not travel. Their fumble resulted in a day's trip delay and nearly nine hundred dollars in flight changes for FRUA, which I am determined we will recover. As a tiny member group, that money will make a big difference to our work...for them, it will be merely public relations...or it will be if they don't make us whole.

Having ordered rubles at my bank's foreign exchange desk over a week prior, I went to pick them up a few days before leaving, only to discover that they had never arrived and would not, although no one chose to inform the customer. The result; a higher exchange rate at the airport, but a pleasant experience while in Moscow dealing with a Russian bank. Thank heavens for their wonderful bank representative, because, unlike my children, my Russian is quite horrible. 

While in Russia, my friend Daria, a young Russian journalist who has been my guest here in America, tried very hard to help me with my appointment at the Moscow department of Social Welfare.  We didn't succeed, but we tried together, and that is important. She represents millions like her, who carry the true spirit of the Russian people, and who understands our mission, as I hope that we do, regardless of what our governments do.

Most of all, I thank another true Angel and friend, Bea Evans, President of Ties Adoptive Homeland Journey program for facilitating my trip arrangements from flights to hotel to drivers, and translators. FRUA has a long-standing, mutually respectful, relationship with Ties Adoptive Homeland Journey. Had I attempted the usual web travel resources, and not asked them to facilitate my travel arrangements, when the delay happened, I doubt I would have had options. Bea re-arranged all my departure arrangements, and managed to make it happen while on vacation in northern Wisconsin!

While I was in Russia, the rest of the FRUA National Board, angels to all of us in FRUA, kept our other initiatives moving – the new Family Focus Digital Edition, the membership drive, the new educational initiatives, the 20^th anniversary winter edition of Family Focus to celebrate our big anniversary. And wonderful FRUA Regional Chapter volunteers for Mid-Atlantic, Upper Midwest and Pacific Northwest put together three amazing events to honor our guests from Ukraine, Latvia, Moldova, Kyrgyzstan, Georgia and Armenia, which helped us maintain our balance among our children's birth countries.

The critical contacts we have made will play out over the coming months and years, as FRUA continues this effort to raise awareness and extend the reach of our important mission. Our efforts are focused on offering hope, help and community to adoptive families. “Actions,” for which we have been commended just recently by no less than Sergey Chumarev, Senior Consul at the Russian Embassy, "which are in full compliance with the principle of the best interest of the child." 

Moscow: also that week

Against the week's background of need, and hope, and protest, I balance an incident from Tuesday afternoon at the US-Russia Forum.

Most of the attendees of the Forum had carefully skirted the situation with Ukraine, but one fellow put it right in my face. One of the Russian speakers, Vladimire Kozin, Professor of the Russian Academy of Military Sciences, said to me during a break, that there had been a Russian attempt “to liberate the Ukrainian orphans near Donetsk, who were being shelled, but we failed to protect them,”

I resisted the urge to let my jaw drop. “What do you mean?” I asked evenly.

“We tried to bring them back to Russia to protect them,” he said, his face the color of ripe beets and his shoulders in military line. “They were taken. You know that there have been forty eight deaths of orphans at American hands. (referring to his number for Russian-born children believed abused in the US.) We were trying to keep them safe.”

I clamped my teeth shut. 

The topic of orphans in the eastern regions of Ukraine is actually something about which FRUA has been approached about becoming involved (more about that another time), but not from the perspective he described. I wanted to say, “Don't you think Russia has enough orphans already?” But I didn't. Instead I said “I think you may have missed my message here; ninety nine percent of our adoptive families and kids are doing so well in the US. And frankly, those children are Ukrainian citizens and it is the job of the Ukrainian government to decide what is best for them.”

He glowered at me, and opened his mouth to respond but before he could say a word, a tactful professor from Moscow University pulled him away.

The week held a seesaw of news. I had not been able to secure a meeting at an individual orphanage. Then my friend, Daria Danilova, a young and influential Russian journalist (who visited my home in Denver for dinner last December while in the US as a guest of our State Dept) arranged for me to meet Vladimir Petrosyan, Head of the Department of Social Welfare of Moscow. I was delighted; he is in charge of all Moscow's orphanages and if there is ever a chance to begin to change the impression of western adoptive families, he would be it. 

Then, the day before we are to meet, he suddenly decides he cannot meet me without proper “diligence.” He requests credentials, an agenda, the purpose of my visit. I comply and hear nothing. By Friday, the day of my departure I take matters into my own hands. If he won't meet me; I'll go to him. I take my packet of materials about FRUA, arrange a cab to Moscow City Hall, and proceed to find the Office of Social Welfare. I find it, but am told he is not there. “That's fine,” I say handing over the FRUA packet. “But here is information about our adoptive families." Russia want's information about the success of our families and now you have some here. I hope Mr.  Petrosyan will meet with me next time.” 

 I get back in the cab and go to the airport. But this is not the end of the story. You see, Moscow is doing something very major with its orphanages. All of them. They are being turned into "social family" homes. 

It was explained to me that half the children in every Moscow orphanage are being shipped out to country orphanages, to be warehoused. I cannot imagine that overcrowding, or the confusion of where and why they are moving. Those who remain are about to become “social families” of seven to nine children, sorted into age-ranges, then into social family apartments in the remodeled orphanages; complete with a weekday “mother” and a “weekend mother.” Now I know people sometimes joke that none of us get to pick our families, but this is something else. These kids truly are the luckier ones among Russia's orphans...but what about the ones shipped to the country? Of course, Moscow gets to say that it has reduced the population in Moscow orphanages by half.

Against this backdrop, the Kremlin held a massive rally on Red Square that week; a celebration of Russian “Big Families.” I missed the actual event hosted by President Putin, but for days after on Red Square, they were taking down the the massive stadium scaffolding and young Russian families wandered about pushing baby carriages and holding the hands of multiple children. To complete the celebration, GUM Department store on Red Square was holding a major exhibition celebrating Soviet autos. I'm no expert on the square, squat, notoriously capricious transportation of that era, but nostalgia for all things Soviet is in the air.

Moscow: At Maria's Children

Wednesday finds me at the Moscow center of Maria's Children Art Center, hosted by Coordinator, Natasha Khasanova. FRUA has donated directly to Maria's Children in the past, and we sell posters and art cards with the art created by the orphans in our FRUA online store. After a couple of days of high level thinking and even higher level elbow-rubbing, I planned Wednesday to get outside the confines of conference and immediate Arbat area.  I wanted to meet people working with orphan children and "non-commercial" organizations actually doing something here.

I may have gotten more than I bargained for. The first thing I did wrong was that I dressed in a business suit and high heels. Somehow I thought that I needed to look official. I also thought that  hiring a taxi to take me to the address would mean no walking, which wasn't exactly correct. I forgot about the standing part. The cobblestone streets had me wishing I were brave enough to go barefoot, and after a few hours of standing (peering over the art projects tackled so enthusiastically by the young adult classes) I was stopped from bare feet only by the paint and glitter and felting materials on the floor.

Out of the cab, I went down a cobblestone street and through an ornate wrought iron gate, around the corner and passed between two enormous poplar trees. Ahead lay big glass windows bursting with joyful color, full of children's paintings of sky and flowers and animals and buildings and swirling patterns. The sign was in Russian, of course, but I assumed I'd arrived. Down the step stone stairs, around the corner and through rooms overflowing with artist supplies, paints, paper, cloth, found items, and no one in sight. I pass through the kitchen, where where I tap a FRUA magnet on the refrigerator, and find Natasha near the back of a tiny office filled with a group of desks covered over in books and folders. The air feels energetic, happy.

For those of you who may not know, Maria's Children is an art rehabilitation project begun by Maria Yeliseyeva, an artist in Moscow, who wanted to help orphan children to process the trauma they had experienced in their young lives. She was familiar with this need because she and her husband, already parents of five children, adopted five more daughters from Russia's orphanages, who now range in age from young adult to age five. The goal of Maria's Children has always been to use art as a means of self expression and a vehicle for self-discovery for those warehoused in Russia's orphanage system. Through the years, her art programs have expanded, and she has taken on partners to help fund the work of offering free, rehabilitative art instruction to orphans in their Moscow studio, including American, Patch Adams who visits every year. She has also created summer camps for orphans and disabled orphans, who for the first time had the chance to go to the ubiquitous children's summer camps favored by all Europe, including Russia.

During my visit groups of young adults from Psycho-Neurological Institution (Internat) #11 arrived at Maria's Children for art classes. These are young adults who have graduated out of the system, but are not capable of living totally on their own; they receive a stipend which allows them to live at the institution, which contracts with Maria's Children to offer them a creative outlet. “It is the bright spot of their week,” said Natasha.

Natasha is concerned at the moment, because their biggest orphanage contracts are up in the air...the changes in Moscow orphanages are having an effect, but what it will be for Maria's Children, she does not yet know (more about this in a follow-up blog). The art instructors are cheerful, talented, caring, working with the youth in one classroom at collages that marry individually-woven spheres into brilliantly-colored floral still-lifes. In another classroom, the youth worked at turning bright fibers into felt, that in turn will be turned into items like felt purses, and felt eye-glass holders. “We sell them at fairs and festivals to make money to buy art supplies,” said Natasha. “And it helps us get word of Maria's Children out to the people.”

In the kitchen, another volunteer has been at work turning ingredients into lunch. Near 2:00 pm, she comes into the art room with a big pot of pasta, a bowl of pale, shredded cheese and a giant pot of tea. All the students gather and the pasta is ladles out to all, topped with cheese and handed around. Mis-matched cups are gathered and tea is poured. Someone runs back to the kitchen and comes back with a loaf of bread and a jug of milk to add to the tea. A honey pot appears and within minutes, all the honey is on the bread and in the tea. The large bag of tiny yellow apples (many with bruises), that I spotted someone carrying in that morning, is poured into a bowl, but after discussion, the apples return to the bag, to be carried back to the institution with the students. A half hour and the meal is gone, the dishes carried to the kitchen. “We feed them, or they would not get lunch that day,” said Natasha.

When at the end of the class sessions, Natasha asks me how I was getting back to my hotel near the Arbat, I say....cab.  “Of course not,” she replied, “I will take you to the metro.”  And off she trots on Moscow streets, an incredibly brave, walking protest in her blue shirt and yellow skirt (Ukrainian colors), red flowers in her hair to match her red shoes. I limp after her. In the crowded Metro, she chats away in English and I glance around, noting that we are attracting attention. At the second Arbat stop she guides me off the car, up the impossibly steep escalator into the sunshine and to the end of the street to the Arbat, where I know exactly where I am. “Now we are friends,” we both say, and hug.

As she walks cheerfully away and turns to wave, I say “Natasha, be careful.”

 

Moscow. Through the back door

We spent the second day meeting at Moscow State University of International Relations (MGIMO). It is Russia's Johns Hopkins, SAIS and Harvard rolled into one. When one attends a forum representing the people and attitudes of two or more nations which aren't getting along, one expects diversity of opinion, hopes for honest debate, and dreams of consensus. By and large, we achieved diversity, got honest debate and while not in unanimous agreement on what to do next, we came closer than I would have thought possible.  

The past couple of days I have listened to an entire range of views, with some common themes that should not be ignored. Humor defused what could have been a tense beginning when Mikhail Delyagin, Director of the Institute on Globalization, stood up near the beginning of the conference and said, "Experts have not yet proven that Russians are to blame for everything."

We all laughed, and the tone of mutual problem-solving was set. Among the key messages that surfaced; economic sanctions could well kill the European economy. "My objective," said, Alexis Rodzinko, President of the US-Russian Chamber of Commerce, "is to preserve what has been created in the past twenty five years. Russia has suffered through one economic crisis of its own, and two, 1998 and 2008-9, that it didn't create. What is being created now is a political crisis, not an economic one. Russia is one of our most promising markets for American goods!"

You may not have noticed, but it is nearly impossible to participate in an honest debate any more; people have become so polarized, on such a range of topics, that listening to others with an open mind, doing as my Grandmother used to say, “allowing as how other people may have a different point of view,” is rare. It shouldn't be. Walk around that term “point-of-view,” for a minute. It implies a single position, upon a fixed line, within an entire spectrum of possible views, each one a singular “point-of-view.” It suggests that in the scientific framework there may be more than one way to look at things. It directs each of us to have the courtesy and respect due another to listen to their “point-of-view."

"This dialogue is urgent," said Sergei Makov, Director of the Institute of Policy Studies. "We value the great American civilization that shaped the twentieth century. We would never try to blame America or portray it in a bad light. We believe in the American people; most are good and want a good relationship with us. We have other things to work on together. To mention two; ISIS, the rise of fundamentalist, extremist Islam, the degradation of the environment."

Nicholai Petro, a Professor at the University of Rhode Island, spend the last year on a Fulbright in Odessa, Ukraine. "To have a hope of healing this, we need to realize that we have two crisis here: A crisis of Ukrainian statehood, and a crisis of US-Russian relationship."

Dr. Gil Doctorow, the founder of the European Committee for East-West Accord, led a discussion about re-creating the East-West Accord. It existed in the 1970-80s and kept our scientific, academic, business and cultural communities talking and often working together during the cold war. “Russia,” he said “continues to be portrayed as the enemy of a values conflict, and it isn't. In fact, Putin has been heard to say that perhaps the west needs to be reminded of its own values.” He asked for ideas for cooperation.

The academics present, especially those in the field of nuclear energy, expressed the hope of direct contact with their counterparts in the west at a time when it is more important than ever to be in contact, so that misunderstandings don't happen. Key European news media present committed to balance the news about east-west cooperation. Sharon Tennison, CEO of the Center for Citizen Initiatives, who has worked in Russia since the early 1980s, said she would increase their efforts for citizen exchanges and joint business initiatives.

At that point I had chance to offer an idea to the group. If what is needed is civil society people-to-people effort, I suggests that the FRUA support structure for adoptive families is grass-roots; a positive affirmation of family that, if offered to Russian adoptive families, would make sense. And as it includes the names of both Russia and Ukraine, might be a way to bring ordinary people back together. It was well-received. Several members of this gathering offered to help spread the word abut FRUA, both from within the U.S. and Russia. Tennison will be coming to Denver at the end of this month and at that time we will meet to explore a FRUA citizen initiative.

At break, we joined the students in the cafeteria, where large color photos of famous US cities cover the walls. Many students came and went from the discussions, which had been arranged by the brilliant Igo Okunev, who only in his late 20s, is Vice-Dean at MGIMO. The day went long and late; no one wanted to end the conversation. The formation of an east-west accord is in the works. 

We had moved beyond politics into the human potential we all have to overcome obstacles and make things happen. Don't we adoptive parents know how true this can be? 

Moscow: the first day

Tension surrounds this meeting. But all of us meet anyway.

We are quite a diverse group; part  academic, part policy, part science, (including a few nuclear energy experts, and Russian policy advisers who actually consult on their stockpile) former CIA, former Duma, international journalists, Russian media, part non-governmental organizations (I have learned here, that one is actually much safer calling a non-profit a "non-commercial" entity because use of the word "government" even if preceded by the word "non," can mean that you and your organization are against the government.  A really good thing to know in Russia.)

I find myself next to one of the most famous people of the people-to-people initiatives, Sharon Tennison, President of the Center for Citizen Initiatives. I have already learned from my friend, Deb Palmaeri, the Honorary Consul of Colorado, she is coming to Colorado in a few weeks. We put our heads together.

What we share in this World-US-Russian Forum is that everyone here is really smart, not one of us wants to see our countries on the verge of war, and everyone agrees that something must be done by we people about the status of our relationship; Better heads than mine announced that it's the worst it has been since the Cuban missile crisis. That's saying a lot. I have been reminded more than once that a cold war we can handle. No one should want a hot one.

As I write, there is an ad for a computer warfare game running on the hotel lobby bar video.  Two tanks. Guess which countries they appear to be? This is followed by the news, the lead story features somber people in military uniforms, armed officers uncovering weapons in Ukraine, and what appear to be launches of anti-ballistic weapons, although I am fairly certain those are stock footage. At least I hope so.

I have pages of notes, that are going to go into my report following this meeting. For tonight, let me say that while during day one we Americans endured a certain amount of posturing from some of the Russians present, there was a lot of pain. They do not understand where we are.  They do not understand why America seems to hate them. They do not understand why the west thinks they would not be worried about what happens on it's borders. "Would America just ignore a revolt across its borders with Canada?" one asked me.

 "Well no," I respond. "But it's Canada"!

"Exactly," he said.

 Our vastly diverse group shares this view; it is inconceivable to any of us that our governments have reached a stage where they no longer talk.  We debate ways forward, we share the frustrations across our various fields. I tell everyone about FRUA and how in fairness, we need better reporting from Russia of the success of our families. If we're going to work on relationships; we need to start at the ground floor. The group agrees with me. I get commitments from several to take our FRUA materials and what they have learned and hep spread he word.  I gradually begin to realize that what I have done, what FRUA has done, is walked through the back door to Russia.

While I'm on the topic...if you haven't been to Moscow in a few years, you haven't seen Moscow. This is a European city. Those here during the economic crisis of the 90s would barely recognize it. Those here earlier this past decade would not either. Those here two years ago may not; cranes are everywhere on the drive in from the airport and throughout the city. The city skyline is glistening. The Arbat is one hundred percent built out; which I learned when I went looking for the beautiful tiled wall that shielded a view of vacant lots when my now-grown children were photographed with their small hands on hand prints imbedded in the colored tiles. I swear during my two-hour jaunt on the Arbat, at least ten street sweeping machines whizzed by...there is not a single piece of trash anywhere. 

On a Monday night, the place is buzzing. People are well-dressed, strolling, enjoying the street scene. I pass young women with baby strollers; not many, but some. My waiters are friendly and want to practice their English.  I stop for a few gifts, and discover that the Visa sign in the window does not mean that this store will take an America Visa.  They refuse and I walk out.

A fellow conference attendee forwards Johnson's List to me: russialist.org/ which begins:

"We don't see things as they are, but as we are."

"Don't believe everything you think"

Jan Wondra

Chair

National Board of Directors

 

Perspective from the air

I've always liked high places; perhaps that is why I live in Colorado.

This is a long trip; the length of which is familiar to every single adoptive parent reading this who has traveled half way around the world to adopt the child of your dreams. I am on my way to Moscow to represent FRUA INC at a global meeting whose purpose is to find ways to peacefully cooperate, reducing tensions between the west and Russia. Many minds more brilliant than mine will be there; scientists, scholars, cultural attaches, former ambassadors, military leaders, human rights activists, policy folks. But not a one of them is going with the view point that I want to share with them on your behalf.

I'm going, to try to make sure that they know that FRUA, INC exist to offer hope help and community to adoptive families, and that a high percentage of our membership, and other thousands of families who come to us, have adopted children in Russia. I'm going, to tell them the real story of our families – of our challenges, yes – but also of our successes. I'm going, to share our belief that it is a basic human right to grow up in a family that loves you and protects you and gets you the help you need to reach your potential, whatever that may be. I'm going, to add the voices of our families to the conversation about what it will take to get us working together again, instead of against each other.

There is this simple truth; that when we set out to dehumanize any group of people, we divide into “them” and “us.” “Those people” and “our people.” Such words shut down conversation; divide people on opposite sides of issues, close minds, cause conflicts, start wars.

As someone who has been married a long while, I can admit that there are usually at least two sides to every conflict; neither side all right, nor all wrong. My husband would no doubt say that more often than not, I'm wrong, and he is probably right. To try to live peaceably together, let alone cooperate, all of us must resist the stark divide created when words like “good” or “bad,” “worthy” or “not worthy,” “right or wrong,” “adoptable” or “un-adoptable,” are used to describe, a government, a people, a family, or a child. “ Some say that all of us have a little graft in us. I like to think that all of us have more than a little good in us too.

For this trip, with these purposes, FRUA is not taking sides; it is standing firmly where it always does, on the promise we have been fulfilling for the past twenty years; offering hope, help, and community for adoptive families.

Jan Wondra

Chair

National board of Directors

Seasons of Change

How swiftly the seasons move, one after the other, year after year. Even if we don't notice how quickly the years go by, our children surely remind us. As each school year starts, we send our wishes with our children as they head to the next grade, the new school, the challenging course they've never taken before. For many of us adoptive parents, these years have been, by turns, joyous and difficult at best, heartbreaking at worst, as we struggle to get our children the help they need.

In FRUA, INC, we say that our long-term goal as parents is to help our children to reach their potential, whatever that may be. But for some of our FRUA families, that can feel like too big a goal; for them the goal is a more limited, often focused on just getting their kids through the school week – or the day – in one piece!

Some years ago, during a particularly tumultuous middle school year, a psychologist who we'd contacted for help gave me a piece of advice. “Don't worry so much about the grades, or having a perfect child right now,” he said about our angry, defiant, brilliant, twice-exceptional son. “Your job is to raise a whole child. By the way, no child is perfect and neither are you.”

Well of course.

The words were blunt, but effective. And we made it through those years, one day at a time.

FRUA's new fiscal year brings emphasis on education resources and awareness

This isn't just the start of the school year for so many of us, it's also the start of our FRUA fiscal year. In July we met in Washington DC for our national board annual meeting, to map our plan of action for this coming year. It's fitting that our first quarter is the July-September time frame, as I've always felt it to be a time of new beginnings. And this year we have a lot in store for you.

We have a new compliment of board members, dedicated to this organization and our mission of providing hope help and community for adoptive families. For those who may not know, the entire leadership of FRUA is volunteer: your national board members, your regional chapter leaders, and your FRUA national committees volunteers and I appreciate every single one of them. I hope you do too.

As the year proceeds you'll be hearing more about our renewed emphasis on educational programming and resources. Leading our FRUA educational efforts will be Terry Mandeville, who is moving from the board position of Outreach to that of Education Chair. Stay tuned for news of the educational topics FRUA will be coordinating with programming partners, both with the FRUA Regional Chapters and directly to FRUA members.

If you haven't given in a while, please do consider a gift to FRUA. We need funds to help us in our work on educational and resource programming, to rebuild our FRUA scholarship fund, and replenish our orphan support fund. Remember, donations are tax deductible: frua.org/donate

Regarding our efforts at raising awareness of our FRUA mission and the success of our FRUA families....there is more news to come very soon, so stay tuned.

Jan Wondra

FRUA National Chair

Parenting...the other 363 Days a Year

Who doesn't want to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day? Especially those of us who moved heaven and earth, traveling around the globe, to become parents. I know we surely do. But here, in this message, FRUA celebrates the other 363 days a year of parenthood. The day-after-day, challenge-after challenge, joy-following-joy, messy, sweet, exhilarating, exhausting, sometimes lonely, better-if-shared, thankful days that require patience, love and fortitude. FRUA celebrates all of you, every day, and the families we have built. We celebrate with our eyes open, always focused on our mission; to provide hope, help and community for adoptive families.

Change....

There has been a lot going on at the FRUA, INC national level. Based on the 2013 national survey, this has been a year of change, as we set out to act upon the wishes of members and those who want to belong. Here, some highlights of the changes over the past few months:

Ten FRUA regional chapters

Since earlier this year, With the involvement of the leaders of FRUA chapters, and a recommendation of a FRUA chapter leader task force, FRUA has shifted from inconsistent metro-focused chapters to ten regional chapters, covering all fifty states. The FRUA regional boards are composed of volunteer leaders spread across each region, with volunteer representatives from Parent Organized Districts(PODs) that can bring FRUA families together wherever family clusters are located.

Major contact with our children's birth country embassies

FRUA has made a concerted effort to establish a place at the table regarding national adoption policy, and in helping to keep the doors of adoption open in Eastern European and central Asian countries. Over the past two years, we have significantly stepped up our communication with the embassies of our birth countries, meeting with them, most for the first time, to share information about our family support mission of hope, help and community for adoptive families.

While the next issue of The Family Focus will include a more detailed report, I made formal calls in February and March of 2014, on the embassies of Kazakhstan, Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Republic of Georgia, Uzbekistan, and Armenia. I'll continue to reach out to more of the twenty two foreign embassies of the countries from which our children have come. Last year I met twice with the Ambassador of Ukraine, and plan to meet with the embassy again this summer.

Last December, continuing our cooperation with The Institute of International Education, FRUA-Colorado hosted a group of independent media Russian journalists at my home for dinner. I remain in touch with some of these journalists, to help get factual information about our families to the Russian people,

I have received a formal invitation to attend a US-Russian Forum on Capitol Hill, June 16-18, representing FRUA. The gathering focuses on areas of cooperation in culture, business and science. Attendees will include the Dept. of State, members of the United States Congress, the Russian Embassy, University of Moscow, and the Russian Cultural center.

New, 21^st century database tools

With the launch next weekend of the new FRUA Member Center, linked to www.frua.org, FRUA will address a major need; making it easier for members to join and renew, adding efficiency for regional chapter leaders, and preparing to create an enhanced member resource center. Stay tuned for the email announcement message on our around 5/24, and after the roll-out, follow this link  to Join or Renew .

Happy May,

Jan Wondra

Acting Chair

FRUA, INC. National Board of Directors

FRUA Awards Two 2013 Student Scholarships

For the fourth year, Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption, including neighboring countries, (FRUA) is pleased to announce the distributing scholarships through its FRUA Scholarship Program. FRUA has awarded two 2013 scholarships: $1,000 for a high school senior, and $1,000 for a post-secondary student. This is the only scholarship program created specifically for students adopted from the former Soviet bloc countries.

The FRUA 2013 Scholarship for the High School Senior was awarded to Chris McAttee, the son of Eric and Sally McAttee, members of FRUA-Wisconsin. The McAttee family adopted him from Russia in 1998, when he was not quite six-years-old. Chris, an honor student, has just graduated from Pius XI High School in Milwaukee and plans to attend the University of Wisconsin, with the goal of practicing pediatric medicine.

Chris was elected Circuit Judge and State Senator at Badger Boy’s State, Wisconsin. Chris has explored his heritage for the past ten years through Dnipro, a Ukrainian Folk Dance Ensemble, which performs at the annual FRUA Yarmarka. He joined the dance group in third grade, and now is an instructor of younger students.

David, Lantz, this year’s winner of the FRUA 2013 Scholarship Award for Post-Secondary Students, is the son of Nanci Lantz of Inverness Place, Cincinnati. He was two when he came from Russia in 1994 to live in the United States. His family was active in the Ohio Chapter of FRUA, INC when there was an active chapter there. An Eagle Scout, David found a good fit with the College of Mt. Saint Joseph in Cincinnati, where he is majoring in history. He serves as a college tour guide and is active in Drama, Pep Band, peer tutoring, and as a new student orientation leader.

The FRUA National Scholarship Committee follows a rigorous review process. This year, FRUA received 22 scholarship applications; seven from young men and 16 applications from young women. 2013 Scholarship Committee Chair Mara Kamen noted that “As in previous years, the applications were high-quality and the applicants are incredibly impressive young adults!”

The twenty two applicants were adopted from across the former Soviet Union, coming from Russia, Uzbekistan, Ukraine, Romania, Moldova and Kazakhstan. Their family's memberships spread across FRUA chapters in Missouri, New England, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Washington DC / Maryland / Virginia, and Wisconsin, and we had unaffiliated membership applicants from Florida, Georgia and Ohio.

With a field of wonderful applicants, we wish that there could have been more than two winners. The fact is that we can continue this scholarship program due to the generosity of FRUA members and friends who donated to the FRUA year-end giving appeal. The number and size of the scholarships are dependent upon available funds. We noticed something this year that has not occurred before; a few applications, not included in the total above, came in from students whose families were not paid FRUA members. To be considered for the scholarships, the students must be both adopted from a former Soviet bloc country and the families of applicants must be current, paid FRUA member families. For anyone looking toward applying next year, please take note of this.

FRUA’s National Board of Directors Scholarship Committee looks not just at applicant's academic records, but at the challenges they have overcome, as well as their service to their communities. We congratulate our two scholarship winners, Chris and David, and are delighted to recognize the accomplishments and abilities of all our talented FRUA teens. Teens who did not receive a scholarship this year are invited to re-apply, for the post-secondary scholarship next year.

What our kids can accomplish with the love and support of families who get them the help they need to reach their potential, is absolutely amazing! As we adoptive families know; having a family that supports you, no matter what, can make all the difference in the world in the life of a child.

My Best Regards,

Jan Wondra

Acting Chair

Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption

The Difference a Dad Makes in a Child's Life

Happy Father's Day to all our FRUA dads!

This Father's Day, we celebrate the fact that father's are finally getting the recognition they deserve. It's not just because parental leave for men for the birth or adoption of their children is gaining traction. But because so many of these guys...these new dads.. were raised by working mother's themselves. These are dads who are parental partners, who truly“Get it!”

A man who becomes a dad by going half way around the world -- who helps move heaven and earth to adopt his children -- you know he wants to be a dad. And this dad wants to bond with his children; wants to help them reach their potential. And that involvement can make a huge difference in a child's life*:

• Involved dads impart a sense of stability and a range of social emotions for their child. While we mothers tends to protect and nurture our babies, dads' playfulness (what can occasionally cause us to utter in frustration “I feel like I have two kids now!”) in fact, teaches children how to control his/her emotions, and socializes them to accept a range of behaviors. Because dads tend to encourage exploration of the world, their encouragement can instill confidence and positive social behavior.
• Engaged dads can have an impact on kid's future academic success and reduces anti-social behavior. “Studies indicate that children with a positive child/father relationship have greater academic success and are much less-likely to exhibit antisocial behavior.” (Rosenberg & Wilcox, 2006).
• Engaged dads impact both short-term and long-term behavior in children. A dad's personal life-choices can visibly influence his children's future. It's not just in how much money he makes, or his chosen career, but whether or not his actions show them, that time with them is important, that he values good grades, that he cares about helping others.
• There is something to the old saying “Show your children love by loving their mother.” Involved dads who are in loving and committed relationship with their child, and that child's mother, give their children something else. They surround a child with stability and model what a stable relationships looks like, with benefits that impact every aspect of that child's life.

These past several months have been difficult ones for those prospective parents caught in the Russian ban on adoption by Americans, who want so desperately to be parents. You know FRUA's position  on this, or if you don't, you should.  It is our position that every child on this earth deserves to grow up in a forever family, that loves them and protects them and gets them the help they need to reach their potential, whatever that might be.  Growing up in a family is a basic human right, the best place for a child to learn the life lessons to help them succeed in life. FRUA continues to advocate, to meet with the State Dept., to meet with representatives of Russian NGO groups, to work with the media, in Russia to raise the stories of our FRUA family success, to work with the CCAI and many other adoption policy counterparts. We seek a resolution for the families caught in the ban, and the opportunity for a better life for the thousands of children being used as pawns. We've offered to tell the stories of our family's successes, to share the joy we have as parents, to the Russian government. But so far; our offers have not been accepted.

Here at FRUA we surely celebrate mothers. But throughout the month of June, and especially on Father's Day, we celebrate fathers and all you do. We celebrate the love you give our children, the strength on which we all lean, the shared joy of being parents. So today, moms, pass this along to the Dads in your life - share it with your friends and family-- and be thankful for the Fathers in your lives.

Jan Wondra
Acting Chair/Vice President
FRUA National Board of Directors

*Source:

The Importance of Fathers, the Difference a Father can Make in the Healthy Development of Children, Office on Child Abuse and Neglect, U.S. Children's Bureau Rosenberg, Jeffrey., Wilcox, W. Bradford. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/chaptertwo.cfm, 2006.

We're listening...to what 'hope help and community' means to you...

When FRUA announced a week and a half ago that it intended to conduct its first-ever National Needs survey of adoptive families who have adopted or are adopting from Russia, Ukraine and all Eastern European and central Asian countries, there were some who asked "why?"  To this question, the FRUA National board offers these three reasons:

1. Our mission is to provide hope, help and community for adoptive families. Because FRUA cannot be all things to all people, we hope this survey will help identify those services that are most valuable to the families that we are committed to serving.

2. The way the world communicates and connects is changing, and we must change with it. Some of you, only aware of our online presence, might not even realize that we have chapters or conferences. FRUA began with a regional/local chapter structure; first Washington D.C., then Wisconsin, and onward through the years. Over time, chapters formed, grew, dissolved, regionalized, divided, renewed. But the best base  for the 21st century might be different than the current structure.

3.  FRUA began as an all-volunteer organization. Over 18 years later, it remains all-volunteer. But this may not be the way to guarantee that the FRUA mission can continue to be met.

The survey will close at midnight on Tuesday, March 5. Whether you are a paid members, a lapsed member or a never-member, if you have adopted or are adopting in the regions we cover, please, take ten or fifteen minutes and to complete the survey. Go to:

http://www.surveymethods.com/EndUser.aspx?E3C7ABB2E1A8BEB8E6

 
All who complete the survey and provide their name (which will be seen only by our third-party survey provider and not connected with any specific survey) will be entered to win a $100 Orphanage donation in their name to our FRUA Orphan Support work. That one winner will also receive a FRUA Coffee & Tea for Orphan Support basket worth $75.

I encourage you to add your voice...to complete the survey...to help us chart the future of this organization. Thank you!

Jan Wondra, Acting National Chair
FRUA National Board of Directors

We're on the Record: It's About the Children

January 1, 2013....One week can change everything. When the lower house of the Duma, Russian Federation, voted on December 21^st to ban adoption of Russian orphans by Americans, we were barely seven weeks into the new Bi-lateral Agreement on Inter-country Adoption, between the United States and Russia. It is a good agreement; requiring background information on the children, parenting education and a parenting plan for the adoptive parents, as well as a progress reporting structure and safeguards for adoptive children. As FRUA's liaison to the US Dept. of State's Office of Children's Issues, I represented FRUA and the voices of adoptive parents during the more than two years that our State Dept. spent crafting the agreement. FRUA's goal; to do what we can to help keep the doors of adoption open.

At the zenith of the reactive whirlwind, last Friday, December 27^th, President Putin signed the swift and complete ban on adoption by Americans; shocking people around the world. On behalf of the National Board of Directors of FRUA, our regional chapters and membership world-wide, I issued a statement the next day, condemning the actions taken by the government of the Russian Federation, which had nothing to do with orphans and everything to do with turning the most vulnerable of children into political pawns.

The effects of this ban are heartbreaking for those 500 to 1,000 orphan children and the prospective American parents in-process to complete their adoptions. It is especially cruel for special needs children, who have virtually no chance to be adopted in Russia. Our government does not yet know how Russian will implement the ban, which went into effect today, but has indicated that it will advocate en-mass, on humanitarian grounds, for the completion of adoptions in process.

As an organization, FRUA believes in children's basic human right to grow up in families that love and protect them and get them the help they need to reach their potential, whatever that may be. We encourage humanitarian action by the Russian government, allowing those American families in-process to complete their adoptions.

In condemning this action, FRUA,has made a special point that our condemnation of this political action by the Russian government in no way relates to our great admiration for the people of Russia, millions of whom we know to be caring and generous, thousands of whom took care of our children prior to adoption, and who support the rights of orphan children to grow up in families. We point out that by adopting children from Russia, we have added the Russian heritage to our families forever.

Of course it is best for a child to be adopted by a family in the home country. But if no families there come forward to adopt them; then surely it is better for a child to be adopted by a willing family wherever they may be, than to leave that child to languish alone, in an institution, to grow up to an uncertain future. Since 1991, over 60,000 Russian orphans have been adopted, and are growing up... successful, happy, loved...in families in the United States. Because this is about the children...this is truly where the truth lies.

Sincere hope for a brighter 2013,

Jan Wondra

Vice Chair/Acting National Chair

National Board of Directors

Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption

1, 2,3....School. Getting Them the Help They Need

Fall has arrived and with it, the next school challenges. Many of our FRUA parents have already had your first back-to-school nights. Many of you may be hearing about new issues, or addressing learning or behavior challenges that came out last school year, only to subside over the summer and return with the advent of the new school-year routine. Which brings me to #3:

 #3 Get them the help they need....It doesn't take an expert to tell us that our kids can be complicated and they don't come with instruction manuals. Just when we've got one problem figured out, something else can pop up.  With each challenge we had, we tried to get the help needed at the time. That's what we parents do; get them the help they need  as we go, to help them reach their potential, whatever level that may be.

Many of you may be facing your first IEP meetings for your children.  For the first few years, we found it helpful, as FRUA-Wisconsin parents, to accompany each other to those meetings and continued that with FRUA-Colorado parent support. Not only did it give us a person on our side to take notes during those tense meetings, but it provided confirmation of our points. Often the other FRUA parent could second the things we had to say about the environments from which our children had come and the typical behaviors of post-institutionalized children. They could support our suggestions for classroom or instructional needs. (Note to parents: I learned NEVER to advocate as something only my child needed...a sure way to get shot down. Instead Ilearned the language of  "this could help the whole classroom learn better." Or..."this suggestion could help all the children understand the concept better."). I didn't shy away from saying I'd put in parent volunteer time, either.  My chosen location: the study library - an hour or two a week. As a working mom, I knew those hours were more beneficial to my kids than lunch out and it let my daughter see that I supported her perseverance.

Not all the issues we confronted were connected; sometimes we had three things going at once. We'd try to figure out what was going on and which issue to address first. Usually the safety things came first. Sometimes those we consulted didn't agree. Or because of the IEP, we found that the school could only provide support for a secondary issue because that's where the funding is these days. We kept plugging away. But here's the thing we can loose sight of while trying to get our kids the help they need. We're the experts – the ones who know our kids better than anyone else with initials behind their names. If you think something isn't right...change something, pursue answers, persist. Don't wait, because our kids surely don't.

So as we bring you the third of the three things that every adoptive parents needs to practice...for the days when it all just seems to be too much....just remember. Its' 1...2...3... love them, stop helicoptering and get them the help they need to reach their potential.

Here's to a successful school year for all our FRUA children,

Jan Wondra

Vice Chair

National Board of Directors

Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption

1,2, 3....School. Stop Helicoptering

By now the back packs have been adjusted, the new school bus pick-up spots begin to become routine, and pics of the first day of school have been posted to your Facebook  page. You may be anticipating the first school Parent Night of the year.

No matter the age of one's children, hope for a great school year is riding high. We're on the other end of the school years at our house; it happens so quickly. Our daughter, Katie (Russia, 1994) has begun her senior year at Colorado State University; doing well in her major, and deep into presidential leadership of her chapter of Chi Omega sorority. Our son is a married, second-year grad student at Johns Hopkins SAIS in Washington DC. He's not beyond asking the occasional piece of advice, but capable of authoring policy pieces that I often need a dictionary to understand.

It is at precisely this point in the school year when I used to write the following two words on a sticky note and slap it on my bathroom mirror:

#2. Stop helicoptering.  

Let your kids make some mistakes, the earlier the better. We can't save them from everything. No matter if your kids are eight or eighteen, challenged, or average or brilliant, adopted or biological, there comes a point when we have to back up and let them fall. Failure at a young age is OK.  Say this out loud, moms and dads. "Failure at a young age is OK." 

This is true, not just because we're here to help them through it, but because it can help make our kids more resilient. We get to say, “Well, pick up and try again.” We can say that because of #1 (below). As adoptive parents, we know our kids can come with more than their share of challenges. Showing them how to keep trying...and trying...and trying... is a gift. In a past blog post, I shared the story of how Katie's kindergarten teacher and I cooked up a spelling word challenge. She learned to spell the word 'perseverance' at age five as a sing-song; the word itself teaching her its meaning and how to put it in practice. It's still her word. 

Attending freshman parent orientation at CSU four years ago, I actually heard a mother express concern to the head of student services that her son would not wake up for classes and what would the university do to assure that he made it to class. The Dean stared at her for a moment and said "Madam, if you have not taught your son that it is his own responsibility to show up for class by this time, perhaps he needs to understand the consequences."

Parent nights are coming, folks....slap that sticky note on your mirror. Then pick a word for the school year and create a partnership with your kids' teachers...its time for some lessons! This weekend...#3.

Jan Wondra

Vice Chair

National Board of Directors

Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption 

1, 2, 3, its school...again.

The long, hot summer is over.

The months have sped by, though the thermometer is still registering record-setting temps. Many of the western and mid-west states headed back to classes a few weeks ago and the eastern seaboard will follow within a week or two. If you're like our family, we're officially transitioning from summer pool time, holiday celebrations and road trips, back into the routines of the next season. Parent after parent with whom I speak expresses some version of ... “I really don't know where the weeks went.” Whether your children are just entering school, are in high school, or heading out the door to college, I believe there are three things that we parents must do each year to help them reach their potential. These are true no matter what combination of adopted and/or biological kids for which we care, no matter their ages, their development stage, or their perceived abilities. Today.....

 #1. Love them and believe in them. I know this seems obvious, but there are days and seasons when our kids go through stages where they aren't the most lovable. There are dark times when we can't see the way forward. Times when we want to walk into a closet and close the door and let someone else handle the tantrums and reading comprehension challenges and medical issues. It doesn't hurt to remind ourselves that love is for the long term. Love....endures....As their parents, if we don't believe in our kids, no one else is likely to.

A sense of humor was invaluable. I found that quoting from joke books and favorite sayings could diffuse some ridiculous situations. (A favorite was “Really important stuff my kids have taught me,” Copeland Lewis.) The day I read "Some weeks you really need Saturday on a Wednesday" I knew I"d found a soul mate. I turned the page and read " As long as you don't look ahead in the workbook you can make it through today's lesson." For the days when it all just seems to be too much, remember 1,2,3. Tomorrow....#2.

Mothering a Motherless Child.

As the mother of an adopted child, it took years for me to understand what it is like to be a motherless child. When I did, I understood a lot more about my daughter and even more about the role we adoptive mothers fill in helping our children get on in this world. So this Mother's Day, a moment to consider our own mothers. It's been four years since the last Mother's Day I spent with my Mother.

There was that small matter of living 1,500 miles apart and the fact that the special day falls during what must surely be one of the busiest month of the year for mothers. What with school projects and field trips and final concerts, busy soccer seasons, exams, Memorial Day and graduations all crammed into a few weeks, we mothers can get that crazed look in our eyes trying to juggle everything. That year I managed to board a plane with my leg practically in traction, three broken bones between my knee and my ankle; netting me a first class seat because I couldn't bend my leg.

While my son had already moved on to college and international adventures, I hated being away from my then, 16-year-old daughter; the first Mother's Day that we hadn't shared since we brought her home from Russia. But I longed to sit at my Mother's table and talk with her over cups of coffee and fresh-baked cookies. I longed to be mothered. Our regular phone calls and rare (at least on my part) letters just did not fill the void. Only time with her would do it.

As it turns out, it was her last Mother's Day. She died quite suddenly the following August. Having lost my father four years earlier, I expected to grieve, recover and move on. I did not expect the waves of grief, the unrelenting emptiness, the heavy spot in my chest,which felt as though someone had ripped out my heart. I certainly did not expect, at my age, to feel so lonely, so defenseless, so abandoned. Then one day came the shock of truth: “So this is what a motherless child feels like.”

With that simple truth, I understood in the most profound way the depth of hurt, the primal loss, that our adoptive children can experience, even as we give them love and everything else we believe they need. I can only speak for me, but my connection to my mother was the basis for understanding who I am. If a grown woman can experience such grief, how much more overwhelming is it for a child who cannot even articulate the intense emotions of loss engendered by her background. No wonder her grief came out in so many other ways. Beginning with the hilarity generated at her first sleep-over, when at age six, our daughter announced to her little friends that “I wasn't born, I was adopted,” our daughter progressed through the typical stages of questions about her heritage and her birth mother.

Like so many of our preteens and teens, she stewed for months before she got up the courage to ask; when she turned 18, would we help her try to find her birth mother? In a single moment I knew she was owed reassurance; “Yes, of course, we can try when you want to.” But the other part of me had been crushed. I was her mother! Me! And I had waited so long for her. Now, years later, the topic has not yet concerned her again. No search has begun. Since providing her with the assurance she needed, she has lived into the love offered and for now, has moved past the motherless child stage. So have I. Happy Mothers' Day!

Jan Wondra,
Vice chair, FRUA National Board of Directors

An Overview of FRUA Scholarship Applicants.

Spring is in the air in most parts of the country, and that means that the annual Scholarship Program of Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption (FRUA) is well underway. Most of you know that to apply, applicants must come from current, paid FRUA member families. The FRUA National Board is excited about our applicant pool in this, the fourth year of our scholarship program.

With the application deadline now closed, FRUA has received 27 applications for scholarships in three categories: high school seniors, current post-secondary students, and children of chapter leaders. This year award amounts are $1,500 and $1,000 for two high school seniors, $1,000 for a post-secondary student, and $500 for a child of a chapter leader.

The applicant population is broader this year than in previous years. While the vast majority of applicants were adopted from Russia, several were adopted from Ukraine and, in a first for our scholarship program, we received applications from children adopted from Moldova. All totaled, 22 applicants were adopted from Russia, three were adopted from Ukraine, and two applicants were adopted from Moldova.

Another notable difference this year is the ratio of male to female applicants. In previous years, most applicants were male. This year, we received 16 applications from young women and 11 from young men. Student applicants hailed from 16 different states coast-to-coast. Four applications came in from Pennsylvania, three from Michigan and Virginia, two from California, Colorado, South Carolina, and Wisconsin, and single applications came in from Illinois, Maine, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, New Mexico, Ohio, and Tennessee. The number of applications submitted in 2012 (double the 2011 total) and the variety of states from which applications were submitted suggest that word about our scholarship program is spreading! To help spread the word even more, please consider telling your high school guidance counselor about this scholarship opportunity.

FRUA’s National Board of Directors Scholarship Committee looks forward to reviewing the applications in the coming weeks and selecting recipients in mid-May. As in previous years, the applicants are incredibly impressive young adults!

The FRUA Scholarship Program for our Adopted Children -- Application Deadline is March 17th

As the mother of a tenth grader, I am keenly aware that soon I will be knee-deep preparing my son for educational opportunities beyond high school. Like many typical 15-year olds, my son’s interests and life-goals are constantly in flux. One week, he wants to be an engineer. The next week, he wants to be an architect. At other times, the discipline and rigor of the military appeal to him. Thus, we are still discussing whether he will attend a four-year college, start his post-secondary education at community college, or perhaps join the military before entering college. Regardless of the path he chooses, financing his education will be a major challenge for my family.

That why I am so excited about the Famililes for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption (FRUA) Scholarship Program! This program was specifically designed to address the needs of our member families, many of whose internationally adopted children will continue their education after finishing high school. Like many available scholarships from other organizations, our program asks applicants to provide information about their academic, community, volunteer, and extra-curricular activities. Unlike those other scholarships, however, our program is neither needs-based nor solely academic performance-based. Instead, we seek to consider the whole child and his or her adoption experience. We ask students to provide an essay describing how their adoption and their involvement in FRUA have helped shape their lives.

Over the past three years, applicants have submitted incredibly touching, poignant essays describing how they overcame obstacles in their young lives and how their adoption experience influenced their lives in so many ways. Each year, the members of the FRUA scholarship committee are deeply touched by the thoughts, emotions, and experiences these talented and thoughtful young adults have shared. And each year, we look forward to reviewing applications, learning about your children and their struggles and accomplishments,and awarding scholarships to selected recipients.

If your child is interested in pursuing post-secondary education at college/university, community college, or a trade/technical school, please consider the FRUA scholarship as a tool for helping fund his or her educational dreams. Encourage your children to finalize their applications, collect their letters of recommendations, and write their essays.

Go to www.frua.org for forms and scholarship requirements. But DON’T DELAY - applications must be postmarked to FRUA by March 17, 2012!!

Sue Gainor
Chair
National Board of directors
Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption

'Tis the Season.....to Receive a Free Subscription to Russian Life Magazine for Giving to FRUA's Work Providing Hope, Help and Community.

Your mailbox is overflowing with catalogues, you hear the song “Jingle Bells” everywhere, and the lights on your neighbor’s house are accelerating global warming…yup, the holiday season is here!
Regardless of our individual faith traditions, most Americans celebrate the holiday season with visits to or from families and friends, gifts, food, and parties. Such festivities are often joyous, rewarding, and wonderful! I so enjoy the season’s wonders – I’m no fan of eggnog but I do revel in holiday merriment with family, friends, and colleagues!
It’s also true that the holidays can often be a particularly stressful time of year. The demands on our time, energy, and especially our wallets are sometimes stretched to the brink during the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year ’s Day. If your house is anything like mine, you are receiving donation appeals from every imaginable charity and wondering what to do with all those free mailing labels??
We on the FRUA national board know there are many charitable organizations vying for your attention and donations during this season. So we have partnered with Russian Life magazine, (whose publisher, Paul Richardson, is a long-time member of FRUA’s advisory board) to offer you a bonus for donating to FRUA. Anyone who donates $35 or more to FRUA between November 8 and December 31 will receive a one-year free subscription to Russian Life magazine*. That’s right – one free year of excellent articles, Russian news, and gorgeous photography for donating to FRUA! Please visit our web site at www.frua.org and click on the Donate Now button to take advantage of this great offer!
While you are on the FRUA website, please also visit the new offerings in our recently updated web store. We are now selling gorgeous cards depicting pictures drawn by Russian orphans as part of an art rehabilitation program. During the holiday season, we are offering these cards at deep discounts for purchases of 100 or more. These unique cards make terrific gifts for family, friends, teachers, grandparents – and are also great for your own holiday card mailing list! Plus, proceeds from card sales will help fund FRUA programs, events, and orphan support projects.
We hope you will take some time during this holiday season to recognize how FRUA has enriched your life and then donate to FRUA. Remember, your donation will help us meet our promise to provide hope, help, and community to adoptive families.
Best wishes for a healthy, happy, and merry holiday season!

Sue Gainor
Chair
National Board of Directors
Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption
www.frua.org

* Current Russian Life subscribers will receive a $5 discount off any book purchase. New subscribers will also get a free copy of “100 Things Everyone Should Know About Russia.” First issue will be the Jan/Feb 2012 issue.

FRUA National Board Meeting Yields Progress Toward Delievering Hope, Help and Community to Adoptive Families

"Each year, the FRUA National Board of Directors holds an annual meeting at the end of FRUA's fiscal year (July 1 - June 30). This is the only time during the year this all-volunteer Board holds an in-person meeting, although we 'meet' via conference call approximately every 6 weeks. In an effort to reach out to as many regional chapters and members as possible, the Board holds this meeting in different locations across the country. This year, we met July 22-23, 2011, in Colorado. Previous recent meeting locations include Columbus, OH, Minneapolis, MN, Arlington, VA, New York City, NY, and San Francisco, CA.

The Board meeting's purpose is to discuss organizational goals and strategies, financial health, membership trends, outreach efforts, and orphan support programs, among other topics. For many years, the Board met for a single day; in 2008, we expanded the meeting to a day and a half to accommodate all the business we had to cover. Starting in 2010, we expanded the meeting to two full days. These are hugely busy, productive, rewarding, and somewhat exhausting meetings! For 9 hours straight each day, we go over every detail of the organization to discuss what works and what doesn't, look for improvements and efficiencies, propose new initiatives and perhaps delay or reshape others. Ideas fly around the room like lightning bolts and the energy among board members is intense! Keep in mind that everyone there has taken time off work, and time away from families, to focus on the mission of FRUA to meet hte needs of our member families.

Along with our meeting time, we schedule social events to meet and greet FRUA members and representatives from the local adoption community. Because FRUA has two Colorado chapters, we held the first day of our meeting in Colorado Springs and then met members for dinner in a lovely historic restaurant nearby. For our second day, we met in Denver's Technology Center and hosted a dinner in downtown Denver for FRUA members and a few special guests from a non-profit orphan support organization. Both events were delightful - it's so great to connect with members each year in a social setting!

Over the next couple of months, you'll read more about the outcome of our Board meeting and the status of the organization. Details about the meeting and new initiatives will be presented in upcoming issues of The Family Focus, our wonderful membership journal. A thorough review of FRUA activities, as well as summaries of our membership and financial data, will be published in our Annual Report, due out in mid-Oct. Until these summaries arrive in your mailbox, know that FRUA's National Board is working hard to ensure the organization's success now and for the future!"

Sue Gainor
Chair
National Board of Directors
Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption
Hope, Help and Community for Adoptive Families
www.frua.org
chair@frua.org